The Progress of Project Gracehaven

As of writing this post, this was the end of the second session of our Emotion Management Workshop for Gracehaven. There are definitely a mix of emotions from these past two sessions and in two weeks, this service learning project will end with our final session. This post will discuss some of the details from the past 2 sessions we have had with Gracehaven.

Workshop Session #1

Due to the restrictions set in place by the Ministry of Social and Family Development upon Gracehaven, the males in our group (myself and Kada) were unable to be attached to a female resident. We decided to be the facilitators for all the sessions instead since it will be easier for facilitating workshop flow. I definitely had my doubts on whether I would be a good facilitator for a few reasons: firstly, I have never conducted a workshop before and secondly, I still had my reservations that these residents were going to be easy to work with. Nevertheless, we stuck to our roles and I have got to say, when my actions have a stake on my grades I become surprisingly proactive.

When the residents arrived, I could see that my group mates were hesitant on approaching them even upon my constant prompts to introduce themselves and sit with the residents. These had spillover effects for the residents as well. Since our group mates were unsure of what to do, the residents were hesitant to be vocal with us as well. That was the same with the session held with both the guys and girls. I felt a sense of frustration for my group mates at first because we have already went through what we expected from the session but it was not actually actualised. I did also feel a sense of doubt on my end as well; were my instructions not clear? Are we going to screw up this workshop because of my own inabilities to manage teenagers and 20-somethings alike?

However, when the workshop started to flow, the residents started warming up to us as well. We found the girls to be much more rambunctious than the boys; they would hit each other, talk to us about their self-injurious behaviours and the latest gossip with certain eye-candies and boy crushes. The boys on the other hand were much more calm and collected (though until today I still cannot tell if they are truly low energy or simply sleepy on a quiet Saturday afternoon). During our After Action Review (AAR), we all agreed collectively that the girls were much harder to deal with than the boys. The intricacies of dealing with the group dynamics of the girls were harder because they had deep-seated hatred for someone or another because of reasons they would not go in detail about. The boys on the other hand, sans the younger ones who were super high energy but were generally well-behaved as well, were much more cooperative and participated in our activities with quite a bit of passion.

From the first session I have learnt that I should not force my own expectations on the residents and group mates alike. Letting things take its own course gives the workshop a much more natural flow and while I should not take my hands of the wheel entirely, little nudges in the right direction is much more beneficial overall than micromanaging each group member and resident. I also learnt to be less self-critical when put in positions of leadership. Yes, I was responsible for the flow of the workshop but self-doubt benefits nobody while having repercussions on how smoothly the workshop will be carried out. Lastly, I have learnt that it takes time for everyone to grow comfortable with each other and no amount of forced interaction or pre-planning is going to change that fact. Personally, I was glad that our After Action Reviews actually happened so that I could share this with the group and improve going forward.

Workshop Session #2

A resident sharing about her opinion in a group

The second session went much smoother than the first and this was contributed to the fact that we were familiar with the residents now. I think Kada and I myself also learnt a lot more about the residents ourselves because this session was more focused on the entire group of residents instead of assigning a volunteer to a specific resident.

The key takeaway for myself from this session was how different everyone viewed the ways in which we get angry and deal with that anger. For the residents, it was rather externalised; punching a wall, cutting themselves or threatening others were common and for my own group mates, I was surprised to learn that some blast music at full volume, draw or for people like Rachelle and I, take deep breathes and head out from the situation. This was interesting to me because I used to externalise my anger as well and it started to dawn on me that there must have been a turning point for myself to adopt externalising coping mechanisms to ones that vent out my anger without repercussions instead. I have learnt that age does play a big part in shaping one's way of coping with anger. I think the greater amount of lived experience coupled with greater elucidation on the consequences of externalising our emotions does help us deal with the situation with greater clarity and perspective. Now this is not to say that the residents were immature in any way but I think just by being exposed to greater amounts of stressors that come with age does help a lot with how we see the world as well. At this point, I will end of by saying that I have had a ton of fun with the workshop thus far and I really learnt a lot and there are lessons which I cannot really form into proper words and due to that, are not included in these posts and there are definitely mixed feelings towards my next meeting with them. For one, I will get to see the residents again and in turn, learn from them even more but this will be my last time seeing them as well.